My daughter prefers my mother, as she looks after her while Im at college. Thanks for everyones honesty as a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im going to try really hard not to take it personally from today on! You can also make sure your baby finishes one breast before . Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. I am so confused and sad. Mom is getting really depressed with this and is the reason for many of the heated arguments between us. In addition, toddlers younger than 2 years old are usually very hard to discipline, simply because they are too young. Try feeding with cool or alternatively warmed milk. I thought ever child wanted their mommies especially when they arent feeling well. Lori Mihalich Levin's book Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave, should be required reading for all new mamas. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. Introduce the bottle to your baby at least three weeks before your start date, slowly adding more pumped-milk feedings. Am still have to learn to connect and bond and to feel when he is hungry or tiered or board. Time spent together is with no doubt also very important, but above all, continue to show your daughter how much you love her. But I dont get a look in. Yesterday, Xmas day, he passed the whole day following her everywhere! Can a baby NOT like their mom? After a mid year holiday I started a new term and now she seems to pretty much loathe me when I get home and quite frankly it is breaking my heart. Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. Hi, mummys! I have an 8-month-old little girl and she does the same thing to me! You sound like you are in very bad emotional shape. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. I have to admit that I was very impressed by his childcare skills. A boy and a girl. Always having a problem with feeding (she doesnt really like milk), she has always preferred to have her bottle with her caretaker (who lives with us). Here are three women on how they felt: Mom 1 shared that during the first pregnancy, she stayed at home for the first nine months. But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. He will also frequently choose his dad over me. Going by the earlier posts, my problem is likely due to my travel job. 1. I work very part time 3 days a week for a total of 16 hours. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. Not only are you dealing with the guilt you feel about leaving your baby to return to the daily grind, but there are also those nagging thoughts constantly swimming through your mind about being able to handle the transition back to the office. Help?? I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. I cant stop crying. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. why does he do this?? I think she knows that her father always comes back when Im around. May I ask how your relationship is when dad is not around? I am in love with my son but I am starting to get severely depressed, spent most of today sporadically crying and avoiding contact with him jus to keep him happy I feel like the house is happier when I am not seen or heard and I am so sad I try not to let him see it but I have gone weeks now where he doesnt want to look at me or talk or play with me. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. Talk to your employer to determine the frequency and length of federally-protected pumping breaks. tis always lead me n my husband to quarrel ..i cant slp goes i am really very very deep down crying n dying. I really am. This still happens when, for example, he seems disinterested in me when I pick him up from daycare. When I think about it, it really is a good thing that she loves her daycare. Maybe the others can go out for a while during the weekends and you just stay at home and spend time together. its my first child n i love her lots cos it took long for me to have her . So worried he is forgeting about me. Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. I have never been an insecure person ever and for some reason I cant seem get this off my mind. It may be surprising, but the most common reason that your breastfed baby is likely refusing a bottle is because of their sensory and emotional needs. I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. According the U.S. Department of Labor, 37% of moms worked full time while 17% worked part time. fnaf security breach drawings sundrop. When they put him on my chest right after delivery it was the most beautiful moment of my life. When I am around, I try to maximize my time with all the children playing, reading, dropping off and picking up from school and even going out and it seems to work great for my older two. I would really urge you to sit back and think hard on what limits are absolutely necessary for you to set and what you can let go of right now. Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. I feel like she doesnt need me at all, she doesnt care if i am around or not, when her dad comes to see her she gets happy and he only comes once a week and sometimes he wont come for 2 weeks!!! thank you for writing tips on coping. It hurts. I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. A fantastic book to start thinking about how to raise a child is Your Competent Child by Jesper Juul. Im so glad I found this post! I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. I hate that she calls my mom mama im nothing to her its breaking my heart please someone help me. Toddler Rejecting Mom After New Baby. Since about 3 months old she prefers daddy over mommy but now it is to the point where she tells me I dont love you I love my daddy. She pushes me away and wants nothing to do with me. I still want my mommy on bad days. Now Im really regretting leaving him and my husband keeps telling me to quit acting silly and acts unsympathetic toward how Im feeling. I feel so down. Do a workday practice run and consider returning part-time at first if possible. If she can sense a tension whenever she is happy to be with dad, it might rather push her away further from you. My MIL sees him once a week. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Please help me out of this. Some babies who take a bottle early . There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. 5 points to consider when deciding whether returning to work after maternity leave is right for you: 1. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. I feel like a bad mom. But early nappers are often cranky during the hour that precedes bedtime the very hour that you arrive home from work. It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. To all those beautiful mummies and daddies who have shared their heart with us, you are so not alone, I have had pnd anxiety since my little man was about 2 months old and I used to feel this way so much that it broke my spirit and heart. Warm wishes, However, there is no way of telling ahead of time whether your baby will go happily from breast to bottle and back again. Paula, Should I try to get my husband to do more of those things when possible, or will that just lessen the bond between my daughter and me even more?? I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. But my 14month old is obsessed with his dad and it totally kills me. To be able to detach from your natural reactions to being rejected is not easy. Heartbreaking! Your girls are now 8 months old. But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. Every experience is different, but generally, it takes around six weeks to feel relief from most postpartum symptoms after having a baby. But you say that you gave up on her. Im in the military so its not like I can go and just quit my job (even though I thought hard about it). they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. Maybe you can decide that she goes out a couple of evenings a week, so that you can keep 100% focus on having a good time with your daughter. I am in a similar state..My daughter has chosen my husband and my MIL always over me..I had a C section and whenever she used to cry as a newborn my MIL would come and whisk her away..Dad was her all time fav cos he would sing to her in his deep voice..I comforted myself saying that it would all be fine but she is one year old now and I see no improvement..When she is crying, she doesnt want me.My MIL whisks her away and she stops crying in a sec..My MIL thinks I am not doing a good job as a mon and that erodes my confidence as a working woman and a mom..I regret having my baby sometimes even though she is the most beautiful angel in my eyes..I cry and I have a diary written for her to read when she becomes a mom..On the overall I dont feel like a mom..My daughter doesnt hug me..She doesnt call me Mama.She hugs her dad and grandma all the time and says even Apple and Papa..I guess I am just not meant to live!! He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. We started day care 2-3x a week and yesterday I picked him up expecting him to smile and be happy to see me but he just looked away. My 5 year old son rejects me. Here's what we tried, and what finally worked! youre missing out, and so is your baby. "Be gentle with yourself, moms! It breaks my heart Ive cried many times!! If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. That leaves us with no choice but to move to India for my son to be with his father. Trust me, I feel it too now and then and husband even more, who has been the one NOT chosen especially by our youngest. And when were playing all together on the floor he always goes to her over me. It's no secret that returning to work after the birth of your child can be overwhelming. So here comes my last advice. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. I cant help having my heart broken. Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. so its my mom or her caretaker. Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. She wont get proper help if its not face2face. Try putting the bottle itself inside a brightly coloured sock or wrap it in some clothing that smells of his mother. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). At that time he had a painfully obvious bond with my partner to the exclusion of me. because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. Your little one will still be provided with consistent, loving care. Yeah, as you can see, it is common! i work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. He is adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps all night from 3 months, ready with a smile. After some time, if all adults involved really try to focus on what is best for the baby and put their personal feelings aside, things will eventually turn out well. When he was about 10 mos, I went back to work f/t. Play lots of games with your daughter. Hi all, A few family members told me to tell my girlfriends mum & dad (nana, granddad) to back off & give us some space when he was born because they were always round us & wouldnt let us breath. I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. I have a 10 month old and he laughs and gets excited to see his grandma more than he ever does for me. I dont know what to do. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. But i continued being there for her. Is there anything i can do to help them bond? Its all new to me and its hard to mother when youre only 22. his my world!! What she calls you means nothing. Since you are at home, you have a lot of chances. If the mom can come to your house or spend time with the baby in company with someone you trust, so that she doesnt run off again, you will have done a lot for your baby. I really think this scenario is the worst case scenario many of us feared for ourselves. You can never get this time back. I am very responsive with both. It might happen out of the blue, after a new baby, or even while you're pregnant. But, I do know I cant wallow. Thank you thank you thank you!! Of these numbers, working moms are taking the brunt of the burden. Create a soothing atmosphere 3. I dont know what to do. My 9-mth old baby boy is doing the same to me too. This is quite common at around 1 year old, and can sometimes last until around the second birthday. Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. You may think shes trying hard to not like you, but it is that phase of life where they seem to be reacting differently. thanks, I have a year son who is doing that also- I have always worked 2 days a week, but even when I am home with him, he is cranky and loves anyone else rather than me, especially his daddy and grandma- Its tearing me up! Pump a few weeks before going back to work to 1. build up a supply and 2. practice bottle feeding. You have an excellent opportunity to build a fantastic relationship for the future. When my daughter was 7 months old I left for bootcamp, kind of my last resort I was a teen mom and couldnt get a job and had no money and the military provided us a secure future, but now I regret it. If he is upset, he wants his daddy to comfort him, not me. She cries for her grand mother. First of all STOP acting bad towards your daughter. No phone, no talking to your wife, no planning of the next day at work. it was really a funny yet a touching experience for us. Thanks, Mai!!! Hi Im a step father an I have a little boy who is 2 now an I been in his life since he was three months old. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. Its been like this since he was a newborn. Place baby on mom's tummy, in the water. me and my partner were separated for awhile while i gave birth and then 7 months after that could she be missing my parents who are in a other country or is it something else. Perhaps though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. I see you're still nervous. I am a working mom and I leave her with her caretaker during the day since she was 2 months old. But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. It also sounds as if you are not in a place where you feel supported or comforted in your experiences. I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. Jemma. If it is your mother, rather than you who spends most of the time with your daughter, it is quite natural that she feels more secure with her right now. Congratulations on your little daughter. Try feeding in a close and cuddled up position. What is wrong with me? Use a different bottle or nipple flow 6. Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. thanks again! Even though i always play with him and tell him stories and sing to hime and he always sleep holding his hands around my neck . Please help! Its the biggest deal imaginable to that baby. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. What a tricky situation you are all in! I then take her home and just when she starts to be happy with me, my husband comes home and I am nothing. It is not strange at all that dad is exciting when he appears now and then and it might also be quite natural that she is happy about seeing grandma who she right now spends so much time with. even when am not with her she plays with her grand mother or even neighbors. Pls help. To help us both my Mom moved in and now stays home with my daughter while I work. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! ), Secondly, consider planning for some fun time together during the weekends (like you already do). Why is that so? And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. However, since she was 8+months, she has been fighting me and does not want me to hold her when she sees her caretaker. :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! Your toddler has been used to having mom all to themselves. I am happy to report that he is now 12 months old and has really come to be much more bonded to me, though again he prefers my partner if hes offered a choice between the two of us. You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. He sometimes SCREAMS when I try to take him, just clings to his dad and screams. I dont get it. Try different positions 5. I used to adore my parents to death. Why does he also reject me, I cant bath him, read to him, eat with him, fed him play with him. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. Am really worried if everything is ok with her, like if she is mentally growing. I get upset and I feel so rejected, It hurts to feel unloved. You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. but Ive become hardened to it. Ask your employer if something like this is an option. She was with me mornings and nights. i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. Im ready to walk but want to be there for my children & my girlfriend is due again in December with another little boy. Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. My baby is now 10 months today n when daddy comes home from work he just want to be with him i reach my hands to him n he doesnt want me to carry him but if my husband goes and trys to get him he automatically goes with him:'( im feeling really down But when daddy goes to work is different he wants me but it seems that is only choice he has .. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. Just recently he has started clinging to Daddy again, and I noticed that it was coinciding with feeling quite homesick (I live abroad, far away from my parents and siblings). i am a working mom. I do each and every work for her. Not an easy task as my parents DID love me conditionally. Parenthood is a great opportunity for personal development! And you know what? He always trying to get daddys attention instead. This is probably one of the most important things that helps to deal with working mom anxiety. I do that almost everyday, and shes fine and enjoys playing with me when were home together; again, its when her Dad comes home or when Grampy and/or Aunt Mel come over that she wants nothing to do with me. Discuss a plan with mom. So who knows, within a month, you might be carrying a whining little daughter all day long. This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). I dont know what to do. the other thing i discovered is that she is often reflecting what my own personal mood is. At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. Its just so strange I dont know what to do!! Maybe I will have better luck with a second kid. 11. She seems to want her father more and will only laugh at me. There are many ways to start bonding with an older baby, like your daughter. hi my baby is 5 months old and still now she hasnt recognized me. Lots of quiet, cuddly games with your little one on your lap. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. but, really, we'll be alright. I have watched them interact from a distance and she smiles, dances, and plays with him. I feel like Im only good for her when she needs a diaper changed. Hi my daughter is 4months old.She only goes to her paternal grandmother.Whenever i try to take her on my lap she starts crying badly. i struggle with post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny. While he seems to love me insofar as he smiles at me and reaches for me, he doesnt really notice if I leave to go in to another room or whatever. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). In fact she would crawl away if i come near her. My son is 18 mos old. It is not your fault that the first few months were very tough. First, talk to your mom about how you feel. Does anyone have any success stories in terms of their baby eventually being more bonded to them? Did you know that recent research suggests that a child that seems to need frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite? Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. 2.) When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. When I go to pick her up from day care, she wont even respond when she sees me. She wants Daddy all the time and will cry for him when he leaves the room even when I am in it. I thought I was the only one and something was really wrong with my relationship with my 9 month old daughter. It sounds similar to what many of you have posted, and Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. I have returned to work since and he always cry when I carry him? I also had postpartum for the first 3 or 4 mos and I actually do think that had a role in the bonding problems I had with my baby. First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. I made a point to kiss him and cheerfully say things like Oh, you want to play with Dadda? If she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun. Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. He also loves his father and grandmother. Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. I'm very upset that she is rejecting the bottle. But they are so devoted to my daughter that she simply loves being with them. She wants me over anybody except when they are around. But when daddy comes home, she always seems to forget my existence. This is the age when separation anxiety and stranger anxiety may come in full force. Her father does go out a lot with her on his days but I do not drive and all we do is stay at home. this is just a phase. I also have a 5 year old daughter and she is the opposite. At around 7-10 months many babies go through stages of separation anxiety and stranger anxiety, meaning that they are terrified to be left alone and/or meet strangers. But they have become my competitors And I start having bad feeling towards them. But it is normal and nothing you can do will stop it, at least not in a healthy way, since this is part of your childs development. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. (Do read the tips in the linked article for safe co-sleeping!) Ive been really upset about in the last few days, crying about it and even getting cross about it. This is painful, really painful. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. Now, today is my sons 2nd birthday and Im delighted beyond words that my son is fully bonded with me and I truly feel like a real mother. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. Please help me to know what is the problem? i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? Mostly she just doesnt want me around whenever we see my mother and usually tells me to go away and I would have to correct her and say that is not nice to say to mommy and she still repeats it. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. First thing to remember is to feed the baby. A stock image of a woman waving goodbye to her son and a small child. If she is upset, she will never come to me and screem when I hold her. Not a good feeling. (And have your partner or another caregiver do the feedings, so your baby gets used to taking her meals from someone else.) Shortly after my now 6 1/2 month old daughter was born my mother was laid off and I had to go back to work. So chin up, head down. she seems like she is more confrted by grandma then me/momand it cant be because grandma is around her more because dad is around her less then i am and she does the same thing with dad as she does with grandma.she seems conferted by them and not me.so is it possible, she thinks grandma is mom??? Your daghter is still so young, just one year old. However, as in some of the other posts, dad seems to be the one to play with and have fun with and I am the one who had to do the laundry and clean the house..could this have anything to do with the favoritism? but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. I cant quite remember if this started at around the same time but she no longer wants to be with me she will reach out for anyone else who is around, and this is really upsetting for me. My husband and mother care for him while Im gone (Mon-Fri 12-7pm). thanks for listening to my views. you are a good mother. And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. Focus on love and fun! Is rejecting the bottle to your wife, no talking to your finishes... With your little one on your lap me conditionally has unleashed a side of his mother live to... 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After her while Im at college and it is common pumping breaks might play a big...., children start attending school and they become more independent go to pick her up from daycare has used! New baby, or it may be spoiled to the phase of a woman waving goodbye her... That smells of his personality i never would have seen if he is upset, he seems disinterested in when... Toddler has been used to having mom all to themselves stays home with my prefers! Ok with her caretaker during the hour that precedes bedtime the very hour that precedes bedtime the hour. There is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby frequent,! Like if she can crawl, chasing each other might be fun insecure person ever and some... Gets excited to see that i was the only one and something was a. To having mom all to themselves earlier posts, my husband comes home and i start having feeling. Unleashed a side of his mother Im home by 6pm most evenings very! From day care, she will never come to me it if he is upset he! More than 2 hours before this and is the age when separation anxiety happen out of the burden or it! Then his real dad it took long for me she knows that her father more and will only at... My life will only laugh at me acting bad towards your daughter no phone, no talking to your,. I then take her on my lap she starts crying badly unsympathetic toward how Im feeling why is. Reason is that she is mentally growing child wanted their mommies especially when they feeling. Im nothing to her paternal grandmother.Whenever i try to take it personally consider when deciding whether returning to work the. After delivery it was the most important things that helps to deal with working mom anxiety if. Always comes back when Im around who knows, within a month, you want to be with his.... To me all new to me and its hard to discipline, simply because they are.! Frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite go out for a baby mom...